Finals have been over about a week now. Many of you have gone home for the summer and are either gearing up for jobs or winding down from the craziness of the school year. Can I just say what a great time I had last week? It was such a joy to have you all in my home. The (co-ed) Ladies Tea Party and the (co-ed) Men’s BBQ were wonderful ways to celebrate the end of our school year. Last Thursday night as I put my boys to bed they were still buzzing from the excitement of a water-balloon fight in the rain with “the Wesley Students.” Thank you for making them feel so special and so included. As I tucked them in, Isaiah looked at me and said, “Mommy, this was the best day ever, when the Wesley Students came over. It was better than a birthday party!” This sweet four year old is still asking if he can have “the Wesley Students” and a water balloon fight for his birthday. I have to explain to him that November and water balloon fights don’t go well together. Anyway, I just want you all to know how special you are to my whole family, how much you are loved, and how deeply you will all be missed. As I share my last “Ramblings” of the school year, please know that I’m only a phone call or text away, and this rambling girl is still going to ramble. You can continue to find me (and all the ramblings I’ve ever written) at http;//www.sami-rambles.blogspot.com.
Now For Sami’s Ramblings About Jesus:
The weekend before finals we had our “Fall Retreat in the Spring . . . Again.” I loved it! We all fasted together for 24 hours; we spent time setting our intentions for that separated time, things we were lifting to God and asking Him to intervene in; and we watched all kinds of John Hughes’ movies! The official title of our “Fall Retreat in the Spring . . . Again” was “The Gospel According to John Hughes,” which I thought was pretty good since the last time I asked students to do a fasting retreat with me I made them watch ten hours of Beth Moore videos. I don’t think any of them have had the heart to watch Beth Moore since then! So John Hughes was a bit easier to handle, I think. And during that twenty-four hours I felt like I watched my junior high and high school years playing out before my eyes on the big screen. Who knew hair could be so big, jeans so high wasted, or PG rated movies so inappropriate!? Wow.
Since then I have been thinking of what exactly “the Gospel According to John Hughes” is. Here is what resonates within me: 1) Love changes everything. 2) Authentic community is redemptive. 3) Individuals are bigger than the box others try to put them in. And finally 4) when people change, the world they live in is transformed. As I have pondered these life lessons I realize that they are actually related to four other statements that have been an integral part of my life for the last nine years. Since my first year serving as campus minister our mission at the Wesley has been to put a human face on God’s love, create a safe place for students to meet Jesus, discover who we are in Christ, and take the love of Jesus beyond our own four walls (this one actually came about in my third year or so). I can remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when God spoke these core values into my heart.
I remember sitting at a computer trying to articulate what the Wesley Foundation meant to me in my very first “official” Wesley e-mail. I was trying to put into words what it did for me as a college student years ago and what I wanted it to do for everyone we would minister to in my tenure. First and foremost it made God’s love real to me like it had never been real before. I knew God loved me because I felt His love through people who took the time to get to know me and celebrate me as an individual instead of trying to make me into someone else. As a student discovering the Wesley Foundation for the first time, I realized that God’s love had a human face, and “He” looked a lot like my campus minister and friends who daily accepted me, encouraged me, and walked with me through graduation. I knew God wanted that legacy to continue, and “Put a human face on God’s love” was born. This Love led me to hear God’s call upon my life and also brought me to the sweet man who has been my husband for almost 15 years. Yes, Love changed everything for me twenty years ago, and I have had the privilege of seeing this Love change lives “for good” for the past nine years.
During one of our first Thursday night Bible studies we looked at what the
I went to my first (and last) Ichthus my first year as campus minister. It was hot, sweaty, grungy. We stayed in tents, slept in water, pooped in port-a-potties, and picked up trash in the rain. All for the chance to attend an outdoor Christian music festival for three days. During that weekend I spent a lot of time in the worship tent. While I was there God once again began to speak to my heart through a picture. Here’s how I described it in my journal, April 29, 2003:
We went to Ichthus—the big music festival. You gave me a new vision of myself—beautiful! In this vision You (Jesus) are looking at me and I am looking at You—You are so beautiful! And You are smiling—everything about You is smiling—Your eyes, Your inward light, Your Spirit. And then I began to see me—I was beautiful—with a light and confidence radiating from inside, truly beautiful. I realize I was seeing myself looking at You. What I also realize as I write this is that I was seeing what You see! Wow!
After that powerful moment, I began to realize that rarely do any of us ever see ourselves as Christ sees us. We are too caught up in others’ opinions of us, or our own opinions of ourselves. These opinions are rarely grounded in truth and are confining in ways that choke out the life within us. When we discover who we are in Christ we are truly free, joyful, and powerfully beautiful. Often that discovery can be disruptive because suddenly we no longer fit in the neat and tidy boxes others would have us occupy. However, we do begin to enjoy the freedom and abundant life Jesus died to give to us. We become who we were created in Love to be, and we no longer fit in the boxes we used to live in. Over the years it has been so cool to see my students begin to embrace this freedom and live into it. You are all so utterly beautiful to me. Praise God!
The final part of our identity as a campus ministry is bittersweet. When we realized what God was asking of us and gave our hearts to it, our Wesley Foundation was completely transformed. But this new way of being was born from a painful realization that we were doing all the right things for all the wrong reasons. Wesley has always been a small community. This is a part of our identity we have struggled with from the time I stepped foot in the doors. During my first couple of years here we began to really try to grow our ministry by doing creative outreaches in our neighborhood and on campus. One day I was walking on campus having a screaming meme with the Lord. In my frustration I prayed to Him, “We are busting our butts trying to grow! Why won’t send us new students?” And with deep tenderness I felt in my spirit these words: “Because if I sent you new people now you would quit reaching out.” The realization that I had been reaching out to campus only because I wanted more numbers, only because I wanted to boost my own ego, hit me square in the eyes. God began to show me that He wanted us to reach out to campus because He loves college students. He wants us to share His love in creative ways because there are people on our campus who will never go to a campus ministry but still need to know He loves them. And so our students unanimously voted to expand our mission to include our vision to “take the love of Jesus beyond our own four walls.” We have faithfully tried to share God’s unconditional love with our campus and community since then. In the years since that change in heart was embraced it is clear to all who know us that reaching out is now one of our core values. I believe that this change in us has impacted our campus. I know of many students who haven’t been formal members of our ministry who have been touched by our ministry. Deep and lasting transformation never happens in a vacuum. When Jesus gets a hold of our lives and does His thing, the world we live in is never quite the same; it too is transformed.
A final message from the films of John Hughes is this: Life is a gift to be enjoyed and lived to the fullest. I love how he weaves this vision of life being worth living through all of his movies. Of course the ultimate goal of life in his stories is a bit misguided. In the big hair 80’s that Hughes’ movies celebrate and glorify, it is one’s first true love that brings saving grace to the desperate world of adolescent angst. Yet as followers of Christ, we know that Jesus is the only One who can really save us and make our lives everything we long for them to be. We know that He really is the only source of true love, authentic community, life beyond the box, and lasting transformation. It has been a joy and privilege for me to come to know Him in just these ways while I have been with you. At our last worship service I encouraged each of you to continue to run with perseverance the life-race marked out for you, leaning on Jesus as you move forward into your next chapters, knowing that I am in your cloud of witnesses madly cheering you on (Hebrews 12:1). But the gift I have just realized in the past week is that these are the things you have done for me. When I arrived here nine years ago, it was hard for me to grasp God’s love for me. It was hard for me to feel safe enough to trust His grace. It was near impossible for me to step outside the box of others’ expectations and be myself. And I was so terrified of upsetting the status quo that there was little chance the world I inhabited could be transformed. Yet in all that time you all have loved me, accepted me, showered me with grace of Jesus, and continually cheered me on. All of you have made my cloud of witnesses so utterly beautiful. Because of your witness to His love for me I am completely undone and so much more His now than when I started. Thank you for that. Your presence in my life has been a precious gift I have enjoyed, one that has made my life full to overflowing. I love you all so much.
One last time, I leave you with this benediction:
Now may the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious unto you. May the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace. Amen.
This is me trusting,